Pay your fare like everyone else!!!!

It started out as an innocent day for our Senior Citizen client ,whom I will call LC.

As she got off the elevator, she yelled "HEY" to me as she walked down the hallway,  "I gotta tell you something right now

LC had taken a cab on the Upper East Side to the salon.   She only had a $100.00 bill, which the cab driver refused to take.  She told me he refused to get her change.  She checked her coat, and took her smudgey reading glasses and her $100.00 bill with her.  What she forgot to tell me was that she never paid her cab fare.

She was an hour and half late, because she could not find her money.  When I told her that she unfortunately missed her pedicure appointment, she screamed at the top of her lungs,
" Isn't there anyone in this place that can cut my toenails"?  I have never seen my entire staff scatter so fast in my life. As I gagged a little, I whispered to her, "Let me see what I can do.

Fast forward 20 minutes later, I come upstairs to find 2 policeman with guns and one crazy NYC cabbie in the lobby.  I explained to the officers what happened , and how LC was somewhat senile, and borderline Alzheimers.

One of the policeman replied, "Ah yeah know she could have used her credit card"!  Very nice!!!!
Thank you to two of NYC's finest for being so sympathetic to an old New York Socialite.

I asked the cabbie how much was the fare and he told me $5.50.  I gave him $6.00 and he just stood there and spoke to me in some foreign language that he could not give me 50 cents change.

"It's fine", I said with a smirk full of attitude...."KEEP THE CHANGE" and thank you to you also for trying to have an 87 year old woman arrested for a $5.50 fare.

As I told LC what happened, I told her I needed the $6.00 for her fare. She started looking everywhere for the hundred dollar bill.  Thank goodness she remembered where she put it. She then reached in to her ginormous brassiere and handed me a crumpled up, sweaty and moist $100.00 bill.

LC left happy.  She got all of her servicesdone and risked being incarcerated.  As I walked her to the elevator, she thanked me for everything I did for her.

And then let out a huge fart.

Bring me Champagne and Caviar!!!

It was a calm Wednesday afternoon, until a neighboring hotel sent over the client from hell.

In wisks Madam C. She is short, brunette and buxom, dripping in diamonds and dragging in shopping bags from Hermes, Prada and Chanel

"I'm here", she screams...."Are you all excited"?

I immediately ran over to her to her, trying to quiet and calm her down. 

"Would you like a drink, perhaps some cucumber or lemon water"?, I asked.

"Water, Water, why would I want water? Bring me champagne and caviar NOW!!!!"

Oh lord, I thought to myself, .....her we go!

We ushered her into the Salon Prive, away from all the other guests.  She immediately demanded that we better stay on top of things, because she wants to buy, buy, buy whatever we have for sale.

As my manager entered the room, she litereally grasped on to her necklaces and told her she wanted to buy them off of her neck.  Without letting go, she downed champange glass number 1.

When my manager freed herself, she ran over to me and told me to bring her necklaces, sunglasses, hair accessories, ....anything I could get my hands on to sell her.

In a split second, I returned, only to to see that Madame C had now removed her blouse and was sitting with her legs dangling over the chair, in her bra only.

"Do you like these boobs, do you?  I paid a lot of money for these you know!!! Do you love them?"

"They're fabulous....gorgeous....", I told her, as I sold her designer sunglasses and hair accesories.

"Don't you dare leave this room, you are my new best friend.  Now gather up all my things and help me to get a cab"!!!!!, as glass of champange number 2 disappears.

With glass number 3 in toe, I scrambled her to get her and her packages into the elevator and downstairs to the cab pronto.

As I stand praying for the cab to arrive, she slurrs the following statement to me.

" What do you do here anyways? I have two husbands, one on the East Coast and one on the West Coast. His, (not knowing which one she is talking about), plane lands in 4 hours.  How much will it cost for you to come home and F*** me.?  I'll pay you.  I got lots and lots of money!  It will only take half an hour.  Just come home and F*** me ! F*** me!"

OH..MY...God!!! I felt like I was in the middle of episode from Absolutely Fabulous.

As I just smiled and told Madame C that I was unavailable for her needs, I shoved her and her packages into the blessed cab that finally arrived.

As she rolled down the window, and her wearing her new dark sunglasses all askew, she blurted out one more time....

"So are you gonna F*** me or not"?, and expelled the loudest BURP I have ever heard in my life.

I waved good bye and sent her on her drunken afternoon ride.

What is wrong with people?

When I say "Good afternoon" to a client, why does their  response have to be....."It's not a good afternoon"!

When I offer a client an envelope to put their gratuies in, why does their response have to be,
"Don't offer me THAT, I don't like to lick things"!

When I try to sell an exquisite headband to a client, and tell them how pretty it looks with their haircolor, why does their response have to be, "I don't even know what my haircolor is"!


What is wrong with people?

Did he even look in the mirror?

Twice a year, New York becomes the center of the world for Fashion Week. For me, it's exhausting.

I attended Upper East Side Gallery openings, men's Fashion Shows, and Madison Avenue Association cocktail parties.  It all sounds pretty glamorous , doesn't it?

By the end of the week, I could barely drag my butt to work, but nevertheless, I have to pay the bills. 

I was so tired, that I actually lost my voice.

I knew I was done, when a male client arrived at the Salon, with a multi colored satin turban on his head.  It was being held together by two Chinese chopsticks.  Mr. Fashion was wearing a grey shiny suit, and spiked flats.

I had FASHIONgytis !

Translation...

When someone's outfit is so ugly.......

Words can not even describe it.

Granny said WHAT?

I said it before and I will say it again, it is our senior citizen clients in the Salon that give me my inspiration to blog regularly.

Just because they are past a certain age, it doesn't mean that they still can not think about getting their groove on. In this case, being the ages of 87 and 91, these grannies still know how to get their motors running.

While paying her bill, Madame Z was staring me dead in the eye.  With her red lipstick seeping deep into her wrinkled lip lines, she smirked a devilish grin and said...

"If I was only 40 years younger, I would have taken good care of you.  I used to be a dirty girl"!

I swallowed hard and said...."Thanks....I guess".

And today, Madame A called for an appointment at the last minute.  Being extremely sympathetic to her needs, I told her the following statement.

"We can definitely squeeze you in for an appointment. Please arrive at 3:30 for your shampoo and sit tight, and we will get to you as quick as possible".

Her immediate response was,

"How TIGHT would you like me to sit"?

Without skipping a beat, I replied...

"As tight as you can get"!

We both laughed out loud and I hung up the phone.

An hour later she called to cancel her appointment.

How LONG is it going to take?

After my first day back from vacation, I was wondering to myself....what will be the first bloggable comment of the day?

It took less than 15 minutes to get the answer to my question.

Being a first timer in the Salon, Madame Long proceeded to ask question after question .

"Why are the haircuts so expensive here"?
"What are the stylists qualifications"?
"How long am I going to be here"?
"Can you be sure I am going to like my haircut"?

And then without time for me to even answer any of her questions, the bloggable comment of the day came flying out of her mouth.

"I want to make sure that the hairdresser leaves my hair long.  My husband likes my hair long.

EVERYWHERE"!

That's SHOCKING!!!

Madame P is a long time client.  I always wondered why she was always drifting off during our conversations, and sometimes not making sense at all.

I found out, that years ago, she was in a very bad car accident and suffered severe injuries to her head. 

Last week when she called to schedule an appointment for a manicure and pedicure, she told me that she would be coming straight from her neurosurgeon's office.  She also told me that she would be covered all over with electrodes, and that she would be attached to an electric conductor box around her waist.

Well, this morning she arrived, and true to form, the poor thing was wired up like a Christmas tree.

After a light bulb went off in my head,(no pun intended),  I decided to question her as to whether or not it would be safe for her to put her feet into a pedicure basin filled with water.

Her answer was quick and somewhat alarming....

"If I do electrocute myself today, at least I will have pretty toes".